Tips On Surviving The Holidays🎄

For many the holidays are a time of celebrating togetherness, friends and family. For others it can bring mixed emotions and stress. Here’s some general tips on how to make the holidays a little less stressful:

1. Know you are not alone– The holidays can be a stressful time for everyone! You aren’t alone, and sometimes simply remembering that others are experiencing similar challenges can be comforting.
2. Put yourself first– Your health and well being is the number one thing. If you find yourself in a stressful situation remove yourself from it. Practicing self-care is not indulgent or selfish– it is vital
3. Confide in your supports– Reach out to someone you trust; whether it be a family member, friend or professional. It can help to reduce anxiety and stress. It’s important to talk about what you’re feeling.
4. Have a list of coping skills– Making a list of coping skills and having it handy can be helpful in the moment. Call a friend, go for a walk, take some deep breaths- do what works for you. It’s okay to have some time to yourself if you need. We all need to take a step back sometimes.
5. Determine your fears and their solutions– Write a down a list of any fears you may be having regarding the holidays, and next to each write a rational solution of how to manage the situation. Rationalizing fears is really essential in preventing things from blowing out of proportion.
6. Know your limits– If saying “yes” or “no” to something is going to benefit your well being, then by all means do so. Avoid putting yourself in an uncomfortable position that could jeopardize your well being. Only you know what is best for you.
7. Plan ahead– It can help to know “what you’re getting into.” If you anticipate a gathering to be overwhelming- strategize and set up a plan of action to follow. It’s better to prepared than not.
8. Focus on what’s important– Though sometimes it’s easier said than done, try to remember what the holidays are about. They’re a time of being thankful, giving and enjoying the season with loved ones. It’s okay if unsettling feelings arise. What’s not okay is letting them consume you. Acknowledge what you’re feeling, but then try to refocus yourself.
9. Be gentle with yourself and others– Try not to judge yourself or others too harshly. We all make mistakes and all have to endure challenges, but you’ll get through it. If something happens, try not to beat yourself up over it. Catastrophizing the situation will only make things worse.

For those struggling with an eating disorder, the holidays can especially be a difficult time. There’s often such emphasis around food. The holidays season can be a time of growth and thriving though. Here’s some tips to to make the holidays a little easier:

1. Differentiate between perception vs. reality– This often goes with comments that arise during the holidays. A common remark one may hear is “You look so good,” or “You look healthy.” It’s easy for the disordered thoughts to pipe in and equate good or healthy to “fat” or having “gained weight.” The actuality is that healthy does not equate to fat. Instead, they may just be referring to the fact that you look happier. Or the the shine in your eyes has returned. Or perhaps your hair is fuller and lustrous. It’s also important to remember that those who are not struggling with an eating disorder are often not aware of how these comments are perceived. They aren’t meant to come off in a malicious manner.
2. When eating, be mindful– Although it may be easy to fall into the habit of eating “mechanically,” try to focus on the taste, smells and textures. Think about all of the love and effort that went into preparing the meals. There are no “good” or “bad” foods, only ones that will nourish your healing body.
3. Try to eat regularly– Whether you follow a meal plan or not, it’s still important to be consistent. Avoid restricting earlier in the day to compensate for meals later in the day. Maintaining your eating schedule will help to avoid restriction or overeating.
4. Set a goal that has nothing to do with food– It’s easy to get wrapped up with food during the holiday season. So try to do or accomplish something that doesn’t relate to food. Whether it’s going out with friends, shopping for holiday gifts or reading a book you want to, set aside some time to focus on boosting your self esteem.
5. Be flexible– Unfortunately, there are often factors that we cannot control. What we can control is how we react. Though it may be difficult, try to be flexible with situations or plans that can change.
6. Confide in a trusted loved one– If you are concerned about something, try talking to perhaps a parent, family member, or other support. Letting someone know in advance about something you may find particularly anxiety provoking can help to set a plan of action of how to cope with it. You don’t have to suffer alone. There are so many people that are willing to help you make this holiday season manageable and enjoyable.
7. You can have your cookie, and eat it too- It’s important to listen to your body’s cravings. If you want a cookie, you can have it. Trust us, you will not balloon up or suddenly gain excessive weight simply because you decided to treat yourself. Part of the holidays is about being able to enjoy all the wonderful treats.

For the friends and family of those struggling with an eating disorder, the holidays can also be a tricky time. Providing your love, support and reassurance is one of the most helpful things for those individuals. Here’s some tips on how you can support your loved one during this time:

1. Be patient– The holidays can be a challenging time for those struggling with eating disorders. Just because someone may have gone through treatment, does not mean that they are necessarily fully “recovered.” Give them some time and let them go at their own pace. If you find yourself getting frustrated, practice some of your own coping skills.
2. Remember that your loved one is not their disorder– Though the illness they are struggling with may make the holidays a challenge, that does not mean that that’s all they are. Do not focus solely on their eating disorder, as bringing it up may be upsetting or triggering for some. Ask them about what they enjoy doing, their hobbies, interests. Your loved one is so much more than their eating disorder.
3. Be mindful of your comments– Try not to make comments on their appearance. Though what you are saying may be a compliment, you loved one may interpret it differently. It isn’t anyone’s fault, but it is simply easier if comments that could be potentially upsetting are avoided. Instead try talking about how glad you are to see them and spend time with them.
4. Ask what may be helpful– Let your loved one know that you want be of support and ask them what they need of you.
5. Let them know you are there and care about them– It’s important to express to your loved one that you care about them. Even if they do not want your help at the moment, let them know that you are there if you need them.

The holidays are wonderful time of the year and hope that you can enjoy them with your friends and family! Hopefully these tips were of some help in surviving the upcoming holidays.

Be safe and have fun!

Best wishes,
Lily

INFJs In A Nutshell

There are sixteen personality types based on the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).  Of those sixteen types the INFJ personality type is the rarest and make up less than 1% of the population.  Now, what does INFJ stand for? Introvert-Intuition-Feeling-Judging When I made my instagram post asking others to comment their personality types, I was immediately surprised to find that the rarest personality type is not so rare within the recovery community. I’ve never met so many other INFJs and it was extremely intriguing to find others with the same personality type. I read up on the INFJ profile on 16personalities.com and basically what i have done is condensed it. One aspect of the INFJ personality I want to touch on is the I- introvert. Now, I have considered myself to be an introvert.  Being introverted is not a bad thing, just as being extroverted is not a bad thing either.  However, introverts are often easily misunderstood.  One of my teachers who knows me extremely well sent me an article he though would be helpful and it is called “Caring for Your Introvert,” written by Jonathan Rauch who is an introvert himself.  He talks about the habits and needs of introverted people.  Introversion does not necessarily mean being shy. One of the things he says is ” introverts are people who find other people tiring.”  Rauch talks about how introverts feel the need to turn off and recharge.” What he goes on to say next is something that is right on the mark, “This isn’t antisocial. It isn’t a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: “I’m okay, you’re okay—in small doses.” I think especially if you are introverted, this article is a must read. I could empathize with it and I was grateful that my teacher sent me that article. Back to INFJs. I took the personality test on 16personalities.com and one of the things that stands out to me in their INFJ description is this “Really though, it is most important for INFJs to remember to take care of themselves. The passion of their convictions is perfectly capable of carrying them past their breaking point and if their zeal gets out of hand, they can find themselves exhausted, unhealthy and stressed.” Personally, I can identify with that completely.  I often find myself using my energy to help/take care of others, and by no means am I saying that helping others is something I don’t enjoy or find rewarding, but in the midst of things i find myself forgetting or simply not having the energy to take care of myself.  It’s as if I become “too busy” with life and everything that comes along with that, and are not busy enough with recovery and tending to my own needs. I like to say “don’t drown yourself to keep others afloat,” because really, you can’t truly help others if you don’t help yourself.  It’s like what they say about putting on the life preserver before helping someone else into theirs.  As I mentioned, it’s totally OK to help others! BUT remember that you are a human being, not a superhero, and you need to help yourself too. Some of the strengths that INFJs possess are:

• Creative
• Insightful
• Inspiring & Convincing
• Decisive
• Determined & Passionate
• Altruistic (selfless)

I don’t like to necessarily call them weaknesses, but some of the struggles INFJs have are:

• Sensitive
• Extremely Private
• Perfectionistic
• Can burn out easily

As for relationships, whether they be romantic or simply friendships, most important things is “establishing genuine, deep connections with the people they care about.” They are searchers of authenticity and sincerity. INFJs are often perfectionistic, looking for ultimate compatibility, and yet also look for someone with whom they can grow and improve [with].” It’s really interesting actually, my best friend and I are both INFJs.  We took the tests at separate times, however we came up with the same results.  Which probably explains why we are so in tune with each other.  Our personalities, beliefs, likes, and dislikes are extremely similar. We are both introverted, but are super sociable with each other. As for career paths, “First and foremost, INFJs need to find meaning in their work, to know that they are helping and connecting with people –This desire to help and connect makes careers in healthcare, especially the more holistic varieties, very rewarding for INFJs – roles as counselors, psychologists, doctors, life coaches and spiritual guides are all attractive options.” I find it really fascinating how many people in the eating disorder recovery community, myself included, have interest in pursuing many of those careers.  I think it’s just the nature of this personality- the need to find meaning and help others. 16 personalities puts it well when they say “[that] few personality types are as sensitive and mysterious as INFJs. Your imagination and empathy make you someone who not only cherishes their integrity and deeply held principles but, unlike many other idealistic types, is also capable of turning those ideals into plans, and executing them.”  I highly suggest either reading the profiles on the INFJ personality, or the other personality types, if you’re interested (you can do it through 16personalities.com or any other website of choice.)  I find that they are rather detailed and pretty accurate. It’s amazing because you feel like you are understood. Another thing that fascinates me is how many people in the Instagram eating disorder recovery community are INFJs just like me.  It raises the question of does this personality type have anything to do with those who develop eating disorders? Does it play a role in characteristics and behaviors? It’s definitely something I want to look into and research more! I was also talking about this with my lovely friend, Jordan, {@learningtoloveimperfection} ”
What are your thoughts on it?

Playlist🎵

I’ve compiled a list of songs that I have found particularly helpful throughout recovery and inspire me. I’d like to share them with you precious lovebugs💕

💜 She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5

💜 Fight Song- Rachel Platten

💜 Clean- Taylor Swift

💜 Lovely- Sara Haze

💜 Warrior, Believe In Me, Skyscraper- Demi Lovato

💜 Courage Is- The Strange Familiar 

💜 Keep Holding On- Avril Lavigne

💜 The Climb- Miley Cyrus

💜 I Am Whole- Jillian Jensen

💜 Thinking Out Loud- Ed Sheeran

💜 Human- Christina Perri

💜 Carry On- Fun

💜 Little Things, What Makes You Beautiful- One Direction

💜 Gold, The Sun Is Rising, All This Time- Britt Nicole

💜 Fix You- Coldplay

💜 I Won’t Give up- Jason Mraz

💜 All Of Me- John Legend

💜 Free- Haley Reinhart

💜 Brave- Sara Bareilles

💜 Light Up The Sky- The Afters

💜 Falling Slowly- Glen Hansard

💜 Show Me What I’m Looking For- Carolina Liar

💜 Who Says- Selena Gomez

💜 Perfect- Pink

Charms With Meaning

Over the past two years I’ve gotten quite a few Alex and Ani bracelets. Whether it is from friends or family on special occasion or “just because,” each of my bracelets has a lot of meaning behind them.

*Charms are described in order from left to right based on the picture.

Butterfly Charm
Renewal-Strength-Rebirth

This bracelet is one of my absolute favorites. I’ve always been very drawn to butterflies, even as a little kid. I loved the way they fluttered through the air seemingly without a care in the world. It’s a beautifully painted and dainty creature. Butterflies symbolize growth and change. The caterpillar nestles itself into a cocoon and emerges later as a beautiful and matured butterfly. I, as well, am in a transition, constantly growing and learning something new about life and myself each day. I find myself in the journey of becoming a butterfly through recovery.

“How does one become a butterfly?” she asked.
“You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.

Water Lily Charm
Enlightenment-Purity-Rebirth

I think partially why I got this charm is because of the fact that “water lily” includes my name. Whenever anyone asks me how I spell my name I respond with “like the flower.” I love the meaning behind this bracelet. I think the Alex and Ani website describes it the best. “Living in difficult conditions, the water lily is a symbol of beauty through turmoil. Rising above the water to extract energy from the sun, the water lily is a reminder that perseverance will lead to enlightenment and a reawakening.”-Alex and Ani

I am finding beauty in the breakdown. Recovery is not easy, but this is a symbol that with perseverance comes a new outcome.

Best Friend Charm
Loyalty-Happiness-Infinity

This charm is from a set of 2 bracelets. One bracelet is engraved with “Best,” and the other “Friend.” This bracelet is one that I cherish and hold very closely to my heart. I received this bracelet many months ago from a very special person in my life. Her name is Bree, and she is one of the strongest, intelligent, and caring souls I have met. I remember her writing in her card when she said this to me that she sent me the “Best,” because “You’re the best.” And that simple sentence was all it took to trigger the waterworks. I am blessed for my friendship with Bree and I’m grateful to be able to call someone so lovely as her one of my best friends.

March Birthstone
Peace-Tranquility-Health

I received this bracelet for my birthday last year, and it’s the March birthstone aquamarine. The stone is supposed to bring peace and tranquility by helping to clear the mind.

Path of Life Charm
Strength-Motivation-Knowledge

The path of life is “representative of an infinite number of possibilities and expressions of love. Illustrating life’s twists, turns, and unexpected winds”-Alex and Ani

I also received the path of life in a heart shaped charm this past Valentine’s Day. This charm was actually the first bracelet that I had ever received from Alex and Ani. A dear friend of mine got it for me. It was extremely appropriate and helpful given the time of my life I was in. Yes, a heart was fitting for the occasion, but my mom had told me that she hoped it would reinforce the message. Life is full of many paths, and I try to just trust my heart, my recovery, and God while I continue to travel on this journey.

Anchor Charm
Hope-Tranquility-Stability

I purchased this bracelet when I was in Cape Cod this past summer. Perhaps part of the driving force was because we were on the beach, and I wanted something to remember it by. However, I had this longing for this charm long before going on vacation. Anchors symbolize stability. They are meant to keep a ship at bay in the flowing waves. Often in recovery, I find myself looking for an anchor, something to grab hold of and get a chance to get my footing. I think it allows for me to feel grounded in my life, my faith, and my recovery.

Lotus Charm
Illumination-Beauty-Resilience.

“With roots secured in the mud, a stem that grows through water, and a flower that lies pristinely above, the lotus signifies the progression of the soul. Inspiring us to rise from the darkness into enlightenment.”-Alex and Ani

For me, this charm is a positive reminder that I can, and will, rise from this dark, gloomy, confusing hold of Anorexia, and find my way towards the light and blossom in my recovery. I am looking to take this pain and turn it into something positive and flourish. I will learn to keep my head above water, literally and metaphorically.

Because I love you Charm
Heartfelt-Appreciate-Connection

When I read the description card for this charm it brought a few tears to my eyes. The description read, “Inspiring me to live life to the fullest, you are an important piece of my soul. You give my heart strength and the courage to love without limits. Thank you for your kindness. My life has changed for the better Because I Love You.” The message is so touching.

I received this bracelet as a Christmas present from my parents. Admittedly, the bracelet stayed tucked away in its box for a few day. It wasn’t because I didn’t love and appreciate it, not at all; it was more so that I felt apprehensive about wearing it. I felt almost guilty about wearing this beautiful bracelet carrying so much meaning. The feelings that arose were sadness, guilt and selfishness because I felt that I was undeserving of it. I felt like I had much my parents through so much. However, when I step back and really look at it, it wasn’t me who was causing all this- it was my eating disorder. I finally found myself putting it on, and I told myself, “even though my parents and I do not always see eye to eye, even though they to do not understand this disorder and cannot necessarily support me in the way I need, even though we have out fights and say things we don’t mean-
at the end of the day my parents love me. And I hope that wearing this bracelet can be a reminder of that, especially when I am in a place where I am unable to see that.

Tree of Life Charm
Hope-Conservation-Growth

I had been looking at this charm for a while, contemplating whether or not to buy it. I chose this bracelet because like a tree, I am constantly growing and changing. I’m finding times where I bloom and prosper in my recovery. A tree needs nutrients and nourishment to survive and flourish. So why am I any different? This also signifies helping to keep me grounded, because trees are rooted deep in soil. For me, the soil is recovery and my foundation in recovery will continue to get stronger with time.

Recovery means…

This past November I had the opportunity to share my story of recovery with my youth group. Of course I was apprehensive, but I knew that the message I could was important. I spent weeks reflecting and thinking about what to share in my talk. I delivered my talk to 150 teenagers. To say I was nervous is an understatement. However, it was a freeing experience and I would do it again in a heart beat. It helped me to see how far I have progressed in these past years, and also helped me to come to terms and accept my past struggles. One of the things I walked away with following the weekend was that, “recovery is just a word until you give it meaning.” Recovery is something that you have to whole heartedly put yourself into, and want of yourself. No one can do the work for you. Recovery can have a lot of different meanings to people. I was really interested in seeing what recovery meant to other people. So I put the prompt, “Recovery means…” out on my Instagram and asked people to fill in the blank. The responses I got were beautiful. So I’d like to share some of them with you; Recovery means _____…

• learning and accepting
• freedom, feeling, letting go, and living instead of just merely surviving
• rediscovering who I am and who I want to be
• so much more than a scale
• feeling life again
• being able to have an enjoyable that I control, not my thoughts
• life
• letting go and trusting in God
• giving yourself a chance to live out your dreams
• a chance at living the life I always wanted
• learning to love and live life the way you want to, and to truly be free and happy
• building a stronger you
• freedom from my obsessive thoughts, pushing myself to get better, and enjoying food again
• building everything back up that has been torn down
• loving yourself on the inside, no matter what you look like on the outside
• putting your smile back on
• realizing that I was always “sick enough” and that it’s not too late to change my ways
• getting your life back
• being happy again
• freEDom; body, mind, and soul
• enjoying the life you deserve
• enjoying your freedom and beliefs
• choosing life
• becoming free to be me
• deciphering a language of your own, rather than repeating the same on the eating disorder speaks
• having freedom to choose your own path
• becoming me again
• finally being able to eat and not feel guilty
• treating your mind and body well
• being freed from a life that was only a number game

So what does recovery mean to you?